Amy vs Fruit: Ki-wheeeee!

Part one: Big spoon or little?

Amy vs Fruit kiwi

Here are the things I know about kiwis:

  1. They are furry.
  1. My granddad is deathly allergic to them.
  1. I once dated someone who ate them whole, like an apple, furry skin and all. (It didn’t work out.)

But we’re coming to the end of Amy vs Fruit now, mostly because I never have the time to do it any more. If you can think of a fun brunch feature that I can write, say, on the tube on the way home from work, let me know. Anything that doesn’t involve making elaborate recipes would be A+.

I decide not to eat the kiwi like an apple, because that is a truly disgusting way to behave. Instead, under the advice of our housemate Suze, I chop it in half and use a spoon to scoop out the insides like a boiled egg.

“Can I eat the seeds?”


“What about that white bit in the middle?”

“You mean the green bit?”

“The light green bit. The bit in the middle.”

“Just eat the whole thing, Amy.”

“But not the skin, right?”

“Never the skin.”

She assures me that kiwis are sweet, and one of her favourite fruits, which is a good sign. And I take it to bed in a bowl so that I can eat it while watching The Mindy Project before bed.

(The Mindy Project, just we’re clear, is my new favourite sitcom and possibly the greatest joy in my life. Not that I’m prone to exaggerating these things.)

At first, I’m not sure I like it. It’s a bit sharper than I was hoping for, and I worry that it’s one of those situations where that sharpness builds and builds until I’m forced to give up and throw the whole thing away.

But after a few bites, the opposite happens and I’m completely used to it – and I really like it. If you google kiwi recipes, quite a few cocktails come up, and I can see why – it’s got that kind of dry sweetness that would go really well in a mojito.

I settle in to catch up with Dr Lahiri and the gang.


Part two: Smoothie operator


Shocking as it may sound, I haven’t made a proper smoothie for Amy vs Fruit yet. This is partly because it seems so obvious – of COURSE all fruit is better in a smoothie, can we please stop GOING ON about it? – and partly because I was saving it for an emergency.

I know I complain about being busy at work a lot, but I have genuinely spent most of this week writing about an actual emergency. So although I haven’t been home especially late, I have not really been in the mood to whip up a flan, or whatever.

Secondly, it turns out that kiwis don’t really go in any good recipes. Just boring fruit salads. It seems they are one of those fruits best left alone.

But all fruits are better in smoothies.

So I used this recipe, and it was very simple. I doubled the portions so that Hattie could have some before we left for work, which meant I used two (small) bananas, three kiwis, a cup of milk (about 200ml) and a squeeze of honey.

(I actually prepared the fruit the night before, then froze it. This is a Hattie tip – you don’t have to faff around peeling things before 7am, the fruit is nice and cold, it will last if you can’t be bothered.)

You guys. It made so. much. smoothie. Way, way more than two portions, and so thick you couldn’t even call it smoothie. Just mush. I had to empty half of it out of the blender and add more milk, because it was completely solid. And once I’d done that, I had enough for me, Hattie AND Suze to all drink some before work. Plus a whole pint that I stored in the fridge until we got home again.

Kiwi smoothie

It was super delicious though.

And shout out to my awesome stepsister Sarah, who loves this blog, loves smoothies, and bought me the perfect hipster drinks receptacle for my birthday this year. This one’s for you!

(It’s actually not, she’s lactose intolerant, she definitely shouldn’t drink this.)

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