Hattie Vs Cheese: An Apology

You’re probably wondering why there was no Hattie Vs Cheese last month. Or, perhaps, you didn’t even notice. I wouldn’t blame you. Possibly there’s no need to write this post, but I think enough of you are going to keep asking me about cheese that it’s probably worth publicly clearing the air on this:

There will be no more Hattie Vs Cheese.

Let me be clear: it’s not because I’m a coward who refuses to ever like cheese. I especially want to be clear on this for the sake of my mother, whose idea this whole thing was: My goal is still to learn to like cheese! Or at least, the obvious cheeses. Ideally when my family get the cheese board out this Christmas, I’d like to be eating at least a couple of them with relish. I am still going to try hard and eat more cheeses this year.

However, I’m not going to be blogging about it, and the reasons for this are as follows:

  1. The majority of people aren’t interested. To be frank, hits on this blog have been slowly declining – certainly because Amy and I have less time and are less interested in posting regular, high-quality content. We’re basically just writing this for our close circle of friends and family these days, and to be honest, I just don’t see the value in that. I’m much funnier in person. Let’s go for drinks and I can tell you about my cheese escapades.
  2. I have other things I’d rather be writing. Most obviously, I now blog twice a week at http://healthandhattieness.wordpress.com. I really love what I write there! I have far more ideas and inspiration for it! A lot of people read it, find it really helpful, and tell me how much they enjoy it! It feels far more valuable and less like a series of weird in-jokes! But not just that – my general writing, poetry and prose, has been suffering for a long time now. It doesn’t respond well to pressure being placed on it. And whereas my other blog feels like a relief of this pressure, whenever I sit down to write anything personal these days, I think about all that cheese I haven’t eaten yet. It’s a drain on my time and my creative energies, and I don’t think that’s healthy.
  3. I don’t really believe in the whole concept! When Amy first started Amy Vs Fruit, I told her I didn’t think that’s how people started eating fruits. Admittedly, it worked OK for her – but that was because she conquered a big fear and then slowly began to work more fruits, with my help, into her regular diet. I’m not scared of cheese, I’m just unaccustomed to the strong taste of it, and trying one new cheese a month in a weird experiment isn’t really going to help me overcome that. It’s not how we naturally eat cheese, and trying to learn to eat cheese in this way is just going to keep it seeming like a novelty to me rather than a normal part of my diet. And the first half of the year is full of cheese that I think I probably will like, and the second half of the year is full of cheese that I think I probably won’t, and I’m not sure my opinion on that will change as the year progresses. Some people never like strong cheese, and I think I will always be one of those people.
  4. It isn’t, and never will be, as good as Amy Vs Fruit. Part of that is just that fruit is far more interesting in cheese – it’s more varied, there are more ways to eat it, there are odd peels and stones and textures to make jokes about, a huge number of colours and flavours. Cheese is all much of a cheeseness, you know? It’s just cheese. I can melt it on toast but there’s not much else out there really. And, more importantly, I’m not as funny as Amy. It’s always been the case that I’ve done the food writing and she’s done the jokes. So both on the Amy part and the Fruit part, I’m producing inferior alternatives. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

So anyway. That’s it. The truth about cheese. I hope you all understand and forgive me. Amy and I will still review brunches here from time to time whenever we have one, as we did last week, but that doesn’t happen so often these days, as our work schedules are different and we’re living a life of London poverty. I’m not saying the blog is ending, but we just want to keep it fun and casual, as brunch always should be. I hope that makes sense! If you want to take either of us to brunch separately, we’d love that.


About hattiemily

London-based poet. Previously published on the underground, currently can't remember how to actually write.
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